Mary just tested positive for COVID. How many minutes of “Bridgerton” does she get to watch before her children also test positive and take over her bed?

Which is greater: Noreen’s temperature (in degrees Fahrenheit) or the number of times her children call through the door to ask her where their shoes are?

Throughout how many Zoom meetings does Elizabeth blow her nose because she used up her sick days on maternity leave?

If Janet’s family usually eats at 6 P.M., but at 6:13 P.M. her temperature is a hundred and four degrees, who do you think is going to heat up those meatballs?

If the chills that kept Cassie up all night equal x, and Eric’s intermittent sniffle equals y, what is the probability that x plus Cassie equals school pickup, whereas y plus Eric equals a four-hour nap?

If Marco left his mask in the car ninety-three per cent of the time that Kim reminded him to wear it inside of Costco, how many family-size bags of Hippeas organic-chickpea puffs does she tear through while he isolates in the basement with his Nintendo Switch? Hint: he also forgot to get detergent.

Is the number of times that Mel lost her cell phone because of new-baby brain greater or less than the number of times she lost it because of COVID brain fog?

If Tim booked the family’s summer vacation that they had to postpone at the last minute, owing to COVID, how much money did they lose because he was sure that Natali was staying on top of the Airbnb cancellation policy?

For how long does Shannon need to hold the thermometer to a lightbulb to “still have a fever” and buy herself time to finish “Detransition, Baby,” since she spent her actually contagious days down a rabbit hole of TikTok smoky-eye tutorials?

If Javier got to isolate for ten days with COVID in November, but now the C.D.C. recommends that Tina isolate only for five, why does the C.D.C. hate her?

If Kasie tested positive the day before her girls weekend, but the whole family recovered in time to travel to the Midwest to visit her Trump-loving in-laws, for how many hours can she escape to Target with a flask of rum and try on hats?

If Louisa has two children, born two years apart, and the second, who is three, is refusing to wean, owing to the attachment they formed during lockdown, meaning that for six years her body has been sustaining a life in addition to her own, will this ever end?  ♦